6 Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults

Your relationship with your parent or caregiver can significantly dictate how you develop relationships and interact with your environment as an adult. If you grow up in a household where your parents are loving, provide for your basic needs, and offer support and encouragement, you are likely to develop a healthy attachment style. 

But when you are brought up in a household where you did not receive this type of care, it can lead to attachment trauma. Here are some common signs to be aware of. 

1. Relationship Avoidance

When you’ve developed attachment trauma, relationships as an adult can be tricky. Many people will often avoid entering into anything too serious or committed based on experiences. There’s an underlying fear that drives avoidance or self-sabotage of intimate relationship opportunities. 

Fear that if you become too vulnerable, that will be used against you as it once was by your caregiver(s). Fear that if you allow yourself to connect deeply with someone, they will abandon you or let you down. Sometimes, you may hit it off with someone and allow yourself to get close, but as soon as long-term commitment is discussed, you back off. 

2. Control Issues

For some people with attachment trauma, there isn’t the same avoidance of relationships. Instead, you may enter into relationships with somewhat of the opposite approach. You avoid being alone and feel the need to always have a partner. 

When you are in a relationship with this dynamic, the trauma shows through as discomfort with your partner spending any time away from you. You don’t like when they’re out with friends or away with family. There’s this nagging thought in the back of your head that questions whether you’re being cheated on. No matter how much they provide reassurance, you can’t kick that underlying feeling. 

3. Difficulty Regulating Emotions

Growing up in an emotionally unstable household does not offer you the proper tools for developing your own habits for emotional regulation. You’re not born with the capacity for emotional regulation. Rather, it’s acquired by observing others and receiving guidance from caregivers. 

As a child, if you received criticism or negative outcomes when displaying emotion, you have been conditioned to not show emotions. You also probably never learned how to process them. Both cases can warrant ineffective behaviors for adulthood. 

You may hide your emotions. When dealing with different stressors or negative situations, you may not know what you’re feeling or know how to deal with specific emotions. 

4. Feelings of Guilt or Shame

Having an undesirable experience as a child can cause you to feel you’re carrying a heavy burden. When you’re treated poorly for your actions or punished for showing certain emotions, it can lead to consistent feelings of guild or shame. 

If you were brought up in a strict household and behaved outside of the “rules” of said household, you may have received some heavy pushback shaping the way you act as an adult.

5. Low Stress Tolerance

Attachment trauma and having a low tolerance for stress often go hand in hand. When you’ve experienced some type of attachment trauma, it’s very common that you haven’t developed the proper tools for managing and coping with stress. 

This can circle back to emotional regulation difficulties. It can also present as a state of hypervigilance. You may have this heightened state of alertness that makes you feel you’re always looking over your shoulder for threats or safety concerns.

6. Additional Mental Health Issues

Having one mental health issue can make you more susceptible to developing another. Many people with attachment trauma end up having additional mental health troubles. Further complicating the situation, behaviors instilled upon you from your upbringing can carry over into adulthood in less productive ways. 

Counseling for Trauma, Anxiety and Depression

Do you feel you (or your partner) are struggling with attachment trauma? Therapy is one outlet for getting to the root of the problem and developing a more secure attachment style. Use our contact information to learn more. 

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