Rebuilding a Marriage After An Affair
How to Rebuild a Marriage after an Affair
Infidelity is one of the hardest things to deal with in any relationship. It tears down the trust and intimacy that two people have built up and creates waves of emotions for the betrayed partner. In this article, I’ll explore what you can do to repair your marriage after infidelity. Although there are things each partner can do in the aftermath of an affair to help, marriage counseling is an integral part of moving forward.
What to do when your spouse has cheated
The first step in rebuilding after an affair is to first be certain that the affair has ended. If it has not ended, then the partner having the affair would benefit from attending individual counseling to decide which relationship he or she wants to ultimately be in. The next step is to get into marriage counseling, and for the betrayed partner to ask all the questions they need to ask about what happened, in the safety of the counseling office. A marriage therapist can help the betrayed partner ask their questions and express their feelings appropriately, while avoiding name-calling and contemptuous remarks. Affairs create PTSD-related symptoms for the betrayed partner and therefore certain questions about details of intimate interactions should be avoided in order to not further traumatize the betrayed partner.
Questions Married Couples Can Ask Themselves
After the betrayed partner has asked all the questions they need to ask, a process which can take months, the next step is for both partners to learn to reconnect with each other. This process involves learning to hear and respond to each other’s feelings and needs, understand what led to the affair, and look at past wounds that may be unresolved from childhood or earlier in adulthood that contributed to the dynamics that led one partner to decide to have the affair. Marriage therapy can greatly help in navigating these vulnerable conversations and developing greater insight and understanding of each other’s feelings and needs.
Reconciling Your Marriage
Contempt is the number one emotion that will tear a marriage apart both before and after infidelity. Marriage counseling can help both partners process feelings to help prevent or move past contempt and gain a greater understanding of themselves and their partner. Counseling can also help couples learn more about each other’s hopes and dreams both for themselves and for the marriage.
It is also important to communicate with your spouse about your feelings. It is important to practice being honest and open about how you are feeling outside of counseling. If you keep your emotions bottled up, it will only make things worse. When couples avoid conflict or begin to keep small secrets from each other, there is a tendency to move further away from each other when it comes to emotional connection. Embracing conflict head-on takes courage, time and patience, but it is possible.
If you are willing to put in the work, it is possible to rebuild your marriage after infidelity. It will require time, patience, and communication, but it can be done.
If you are in a relationship where there has been infidelity and you want to work on reconciliation and rebuilding the trust in your relationship, marriage therapy can help increase the chances of rebuilding and moving forward together, stronger than ever before.
Interested in marriage counseling? Reach out for a free 10-minute phone consultation or to schedule a session at 512-400-4247.
